I can't hide anymore

You’ve known me for maybe a year. Maybe two. Maybe five. In that span you’ve known me as the daily astro weather man, delivering succinct takes on how the celestial is influencing the terrestrial.

It’s easy to squeeze all of us into a narrow lane on social media. After all, almost anyone who “gets big” online gets there by applying a singular focus to a niche until they become synonymous with it. To stand out in the sea of billions, one has to go to great lengths to either outpace their competition through sheer will or obsession, or they have to add a unique blend of traits that renders them iconoclastic, envelope-pushing, paradoxical or ironic.

I’d like to think in my case it’s the permanent irony of talking about astrology as if I’m announcing baseball scores. I remember an ex girlfriend’s aunt being so bewildered by my blunt, plain explanation of Mercury Retrograde during the last dinner I ever went to with my soon-to-be ex in the summer of 2021. “It’s so odd, you speak about it clinically like you’re a doctor,” her aunt said, in effect.

Little did I know I was tapping into an idiosyncrasy that would turn heads for years to come. “Is this guy mansplaining astrology?” “Oh my god, the hedge fund managers have discovered astrology, spare me.” (see screenshot below). I remember receiving a variety of reactions like this when I first started posting on TikTok over five years ago. Since then I’ve continued expanding along the same lines and tickling the psyche in a manner like: what is he doing here in this place? Does he really belong here? I guess it’s kind of interesting, we’ll let him stay for now…

The initial reaction in 2021

The rapid rise definitely challenged my notion of myself. It’s easy for me to forget that up until I had my concussion in late 2019 at the doorstep of 29 years old, I lived a life entirely free of astrology. At one point I thought the “old me” had fully died while Neptune was in Pisces on my Midheaven, but as I’ve gained recognition online and jumped into the deep end of the astrological pool, I’ve realized that all the layers of me remain. The boy, the skate-punk teenager in a band, the young 20-something smug college graduate all live within me in a state of symbiosis.

I was never going to be able to create an identity in a vacuum and swear my old life away. And why would I obliterate those old timelines? To prove something to my high school classmates? To say “I told you” to someone who doubted me? Whatever vast array of reasons exist, in turning back to these layers of myself, I’ve noticed the pain of leaving some of my old passions behind, of neglecting these other facets. Over the past five years I’ve allowed my original love, songwriting, to fall away in favor of producing daily videos, researching astrology, etc.

But I don’t lament it per se. After this Mercury Retrograde in my 1st House, I understand that multiple passions can co-exist within me. And along the way, there was a necessary season where I had to allow the astrology to blossom and occupy the foreground.

As the seasons turn, I’m devoting more time to songwriting and eventually performing music, because number one, I can’t ignore my raw talents in this area nor the work I’ve put it, nor the passion I derive from it. But number two, because this isn’t a zero sum game. The music doesn’t have to detract from the astrology, nor vice versa. I’d argue they can enhance one another. As a client said yesterday during my weekly Substack readings, I seem a lot happier now that some of my music is being released. And she’s right. I am happier, in a way that I was happy at 15 years old, ecstatic to be playing gigs wherever I could find them in an effort to share what I was stitching together on 4-track cassette recorder in my bedroom.

This story contains the lesson of Jupiter in Leo: there is enough room for all of our passions. Moreover, we are each uniquely suited to create whatever we’re creating. No one but you can paint it that way. No one but you would write those exact words or sing over the chords in that way.

And it’s not about the outcome. It’s about the experience of creating. I can accept that no matter how much I try to assure someone I have a history of songwriting, performing etc that not everyone will like the music. Some will hate the genre, or the guitars, or the singing, some will love it, some will be neutral. But it’s imperative for my soul to expand, lest I shiver inwardly into some lonesome, dull dimension….No, I need to smile at the joyful moments in life and not worry about the metrics, the KPIs or serve some empty agenda. The victory lies in discovering your heart again. Everything else is icing on the cake.

The first single, “Psycho,” from my upcoming EP is out now on all major streaming platforms including Spotify. The music video is also up on YouTube now. I’d love if you gave it a listen, a like, a share, etc. This is the beginning of a bigger project I’ve spent the past year putting together, and I’m relieved I can share more of “me” with you.

STREAM PSYCHO on Spotify

WATCH PSYCHO (Official Music Video)

Wishing you a heart-opening Leo Season ❤️